Our preferred method of arrival is via the Hy-Line Cruises fast ferry. If you’re jetting in, you’ll skip that hellish Cape traffic—but here’s the trade-off: Sitting on the sunny stern of a big boat and putting a little ocean between you and your problems, Cisco brew in hand, while you breathe in the salty air and watch Hyannis dwindle on the horizon. Plus, an hour later you’ll stroll off the gangway and be a spitting distance from The Gazebo.

You’re here for the frozen mudslides. The blenders at this crowded porch party rarely stop whirring, and if there’s ever a time in your adult life to indulge in a milkshake, it’s now. Fight your way toward a table on the perimeter where you can watch the sad sacks boarding boats back to the mainland. Just don’t be too smug about it, that’ll be you in a few days … and you’ll want to stop for a frosty, chocolaty, unreasonably caloric beverage on the way out, too. (It takes the sting out of leaving, just a little.)